Top Tips For A New Mother

We all know having children changes you as a person, and you learn that you no longer have the time to yourself that you may need/want. As a first-time mom, I made the mistake of surrounding every thought and action about my child. I became drained often and lost myself. Although many talk about finding yourself with a child, we are talking about you as an individual. You, as a mom or even before you as a mom. What makes you feel good? My child is 2 1/2 years old, and I am just learning that it is okay to have hobbies outside of just caring for my child. It is okay to feel unbalanced and, well, chaotic. I myself am in my comfort zone when things are organized, scheduled, and orderly. Pretty much everything kids are not. In this post, I am going to give you some tips and ideas on how you can still find balance in the chaos, with multiple kids, or just one. First, try and catch yourself overthinking. Notice I said try. As women, we love to overanalyze everything we are doing. Do not overthink what you are doing as a mother. Stay away from social media and draw some boundaries when it comes to advice from parents or friends. Advice should just be advice and not something someone hones in on you to push you into overthinking how you mother. So #1 is trust yourself. You are the mother, and you know what is best. This does not mean you cannot consider their advice, but do not send your brain into overdrive on it, defining you as a mother. You will and are doing an amazing job. #2 Split shifts with your spouse or significant other during the newborn stage. This was a lifesaver for my husband and me. I often hear from women that I have talked to that their husbands do not help out or do not get as much time off. This is my opinion, and take it as you want it. It takes two people to make a child. Please talk to your significant other beforehand to know they are a willing and helpful participant in not only the newborn process but throughout your whole pregnancy. If you are doing everything solo, sorry to say, what is the point in having a partner? As a husband or significant other, you should be there to support your significant other as much as possible throughout her whole life and vice versa. For those who do not have so much time off, do what you can with your time off. Yes, we as mothers feed the baby/babies, but there are dishes to be done, food to be cooked, cleaning, and overall moral support. You may be thinking I can do it by myself or I do not mind doing it all by myself. That is fine and great, but I promise you it will wear on you over time. Everyone needs time for themselves or help to come back a better mother, partner, friend, etc. It is possible, but that is why God designed partners. Here is how my husband and I did it. When leaving the hospital, we were told to breastfeed every 2/3 hours. (Another false statement I will get to.) So my husband would start his shift just as I had fed the baby, and then I would sleep for about 2/3 hours, wake my child up, feed him, and then let my husband sleep for 2 hours. Let me bounce back to some need-to-knows. You DO NOT have to feed your child every 2/3 hours unless obviously awake or wanting to feed. You are wasting precious sleep time for yourself and your significant other. Another rule of thumb is DO NOT wake your child up! If they are hungry, I promise you, they will wake themselves up and let you know. How do you know if they are not hungry? If they only feed for a couple of minutes and fall asleep on you. At max breastfeeding your child till they are full should only take about 12 minutes. I was feeding for 20 minutes! Encourage them to eat/suck by having them stay awake during feedings. I know it is precious for them to sleep while feeding, but to avoid being dead exhausted and waking up multiple times, you will want to keep them as awake as possible. Another tip I have learned to be helpful in finding balance in the chaos is #3 to buy that planner! You think you were busy or not as busy with only yourself? Kids add a whole new meaning to planning. Kids learn best when there is some structure and routine. Our rule of thumb as of now is that 2 days a week are our outings, and 3 days a week we stay at home doing academic stuff throughout the day and getting household chores done. One thing I wish I had done while my child was an infant was to NOT BE AFRAID TO GO DO THINGS! I was terrified of being in a situation that was out of my control, whether that be forgetting my cover for breastfeeding or dealing with a crying baby, feeling like all eyes are on me, and the fact of the matter is, it is life. Do not live life scared and wait to live moments of creating beautiful memories. Kids should be an addition to the lives we can live just as beautifully with them as we did without them. So plan some fun things, whether it be just for you, dare I say shopping, or a fun play place. Conquer your fear, do not let it conquer you. Your child/children are constantly watching you and what you do and how you react. Show them how to be bold and live in a world where they can learn to be a part of it, not a burden. Lastly, # 4 carve out time for you without strings attached. Mom guilt is a real thing and will not go away. It is who we are as mothers. I promise there will always be dishes to do, boo boos to kiss, laundry to be done, but you can not give to others on an empty cup. Something has to give. I still, to this day, continue to think I can accomplish a ridiculous amount of things in such a short time. I have always learned to take on too much and then feel let down when it is not all done. I encourage you to include your child in your to-do list if old enough and let them help with laundry, putting dishes away, cleaning, etc. They love to feel important and helpful. They may not do it the way you like, but it needs to be the effort that they put in that is recognized. Lower some of your expectations on yourself and your children, and slow down. Put on a timer if you have to, write down your to-do list at the beginning of the day if you have to, whatever you need to do to make sure you have time doing something you love. It could be at nap time or while your child is up, for them to see it is okay to provide mom and dad time to themselves. Do not do something in this time to better yourself, or to educate yourself, or chores, just something for you. A hobby? Reading? Workout? Find you again. When you find yourself, your child, and your significant other get the benefits of a new and rejuvenated you.