Perfectly Imperfect

Perfectly imperfect was the second tattoo I got. First, being paw prints for my love of dogs. Something about the saying stuck with me. Maybe it rolled off the tongue. Or maybe for the fact that everything I did was to try and achieve this idea of perfection, knowing full well it is not reachable. Yes, that was it. I knew from talking to multiple moms/women from the 5 different states I have now traveled and lived in that I am not the only one who feels this way. Women often try and be everything at once. A wife, a mother, a housekeeper, a chef, a nurturer, a Dr. at times, a monster or athletic runner at times, a planner, and all at the same time, trying to find who we are. I ask myself, still to this day, who has time? Who has time for hobbies and "me-time" when there are dishes to be done, laundry to be folded, lunches to be made, whatever the excuse. I wake up still to this day believing I can achieve everything in one single day. While I can some days, most days I cannot. My standards are high and often lead to feeling like a failure when those things do not get accomplished by the end of my day. Little did I know that getting this tattoo would be a life message to myself that accepting our imperfections is all meant to be perfectly imperfect. Accepting that we might/will fail sometimes is okay. I have to accept my own flaws and embrace them. That feeling guilty of flying off the handle and exploding with emotion is normal. Being imperfect is normal. I often think the world needs to hear that the imperfect is perfect; it is how God designed us. He made every person unique and made with flaws. The question remains: how did we get our standards so high? So unreachable? That when they are not met, we feel like a failure, or that if we do not have this, we will be missing out, or look less attractive, whatever the need may be to feel better about ourselves and our lives. Maybe the world is going into disarray because no one truly has shown them that they are fully accepted despite their imperfections. How can people learn to embrace our imperfections instead of pretending they do not exist? I still struggle with this and have for many years, but here are some things that help. 1. Limit social media. To use no social media is a little unrealistic for me. If you cannot completely stay off social media, only follow people who are real. By this I mean that are truly human beings and post their failures and imperfections themselves. Not the girl who has the perfect body that goes to France every summer, how to be a better mother, have better sex, be a perfect wife, or anything that is trying to sell all this stuff to you, telling you that you need this to be a better this or that. There is a difference between following for hacks, or school lunch ideas, or exercise workout ideas ect. Follow people who inspire you, not make you feel like you are not doing or being enough. 2. Set realistic expectations. If you have high expectations, more than likely you will always come short. Either for yourself or for others. I have learned to throw expectations out the window and not to expect anything from another person. To push expectations onto your spouse or children is unfair and will lead to unhappiness for all parties involved. When it comes to expectations for ourselves, a to-do list or check off list is helpful and makes one feel accomplished. Our job is not to hold expectations for other people, but to look inward and ask ourselves first, is what I am asking really fair? For example, if our expectation is for a 2-year-old to sit for 3 hours while you work out, work, etc. that is an unrealistic expectation. So how could we help both you and the baby meet in the middle? By providing toys, busy activities, maybe include them in what you are doing, have them try some weights ect. Another one I used to get mad at my husband for is my idea of what marriage was. I grew up watching love movies and reading about love and falling in love with the romance. You know where I am going with this, right? Materialistic things, gestures, the slow dancing in the living room, that type of love. Not to say that does not exist and can't exist in a marriage, but often we paint a picture in our head, or at least I did, that it is like that all the time. I would get upset if he did not surprise me often or take me out on dates, or get me flowers. As women, we like to feel valued, of course, and seen. But this was an expectation that I would often put on my husband when he just was not that person. That is not how he showed he loved me. Not to say he would never do this but not as often as I would expect. Men often show love by being the provider. Making sure everyone is fed and financially taken care of. What is important if you want this type of love to be shown is to let your partner know and take into account each other's love language. I promise, most of the time, they are not doing it on purpose; it is because they do not show love in that language. It is our job to get creative and dive deep as wives to speak a love language they understand and vice versa. Lower expectations and keep them attainable for a happier life. 3. Spend time in the Word. I was not always religious, and for those of you who are not, I just want you to hear me out on this. There is no right way to be in God's word. Some Christians may say you have to go to church, listen to only Christian music, understand the bible completely, start from the beginning, ect. I get it. It is very overwhelming. When I first got started, I had an open mind and just started. That is the key. You may start from the beginning, you may start with a devotional, you may start in a bible study group, your friend might invite you to church, and you hear a message that resonates with you. How you get started is up to you, but one thing is for certain that I can vouch for the fact that if you feel any type of depression, not good enough, can't accept your failures, GOD HAS GOT YOU. I ask myself all the time still how such an amazing God can accept us for all that we have done and will do, and how I can be more like him! I want to show love, mercy, kindness, forgiveness, and love unconditionally in my life. Is that not what we all want? We all as human beings want to be seen, accepted and loved for who we are and not for who we have to try and be. Those are the kind of expectations and values I want to instill in my home. A place where imperfection is accepted and all are welcome. That is God's way. I apologize to those who have been either hurt by the church or told that what God stands for is anything other than what I said above. At the root, God loves you. At the root, God is love. There is a lot of debate out there about the news today and sexuality, and I just want to say God loves you. He may not accept your choice, like the bible says, but it does not mean he does not love you. This is where people get hate against God, and it is not God; it is the media and people portraying who they think God is without BEING IN THE WORD or TRYING TO UNDERSTAND IT. I challenge you to read the word even if it is out of order, a page a day, through a podcast, ect, and learn how much the bible is really about love and acceptance and not what the world makes it out to be. I promise it will strengthen your marriage, family, and help you accept your imperfections not as weaknesses but as perfectly imperfect.